As I think about relationships and relational people I believe that a part of it is truly a gift that people are given for ministry. I can think of countless pastors I have met who simply have an ability to be relational and develop deep and beneficial relationships with their communities.
However I also believe that we are able to develop and learn the ability to be relational in ministry. I believe that I am one person who has developed the ability to be more relational as I have matured and learned in ministry.
The first thing I think of that helps develop relational people is to intentionally and maybe even forcefully place yourself in a position where you will be around people more often. Doing so allows you to be more comfortable and confident around larger groups of people. I know that when I started doing this I recognized how I would avoid and shy away from situations where I would be around a group of people. So first getting around people and developing a comfort with that is important.
Another aspect of becoming a relational person that I see is that we must become good listeners. When we know what people are going through and talking about we will be able to have intentional and meaningful conversations. I can't count how many times I have found myself thinking about the next thing that I will say to someone when I get into a conversation with them. When I do this I lose focus on what will really have an impact on the person that I'm talking to. So, to be able to develop better relational skills we have to learn to listen to what others are saying so that we will be able to have meaningful conversation.
One of the hardest things about being a relational person is actually knowing what questions to ask and how to ask them. I know from first hand knowledge that it is important to be able to ask good questions that cause others to respond with answers other than a simple yes or no. It can be hard but it is important to learn how to ask questions that will make people talk. As I said before, listen carefully so you can ask the right questions, but then learn how to ask questions that will make a person go deeper.
There is a tendency to become someone you are not when you feel as if being relational isn't a strong point. Its easy to think that becoming someone other than who you are will help in an uncomfortable situation, however faking it is sometimes very easy to see. I've been fake before in relationships and I have had people tell me that they know and can see when I'm being fake. This gives people the idea that you don't care about their relationship. So it is important to understand who you are, what your abilities are, and how you may react in uncomfortable situations.
Finally, I feel it is important to share your heart. One thing that people respect and respond to is genuineness. If you are genuine in your relationships and show people your heart and how you care about them, it will help you develop relationships. How can we expect others to show interest or share intimate things if we are not willing to do the same? We need to find a good way to share our hearts in a positive manner and allow others to share with us.
Like I said at the start of this post, some people do just have an ability to form relationships and carry conversation with others. But we can develop our abilities if we are willing to find out who we are and place ourselves in a position to learn. Yes it will be uncomfortable at first, but understanding that these relationships can be use by the Spirit to work in the lives of others should encourage us to preserver.
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